BREATHING THROUGH A PAIN

This is the name of a helpful technique, in the course of which you use a special sequence of different kinds of breathing so that you ‘ride’ the pain, exactly as though it really were a surf wave. You breathe slow, deep breaths as it begins, take shallower and shallower breaths as the climax builds up, and then breathe more and more deeply again as the pain ebbs away. The secret of success with this breathing technique is to be very relaxed before you begin and then to do everything gently and rhythmically, moving smoothly from one kind of breathing to the next, as you need to. Like relaxation, it takes practice. To start with, I’m going to describe the four different kinds of breathing you can use.

1 Very deep breathing or breathing in first gear-You have already learnt this one. It’s the kind of breath you have been using to help you relax, sucking air in through your nose as you count three slowly and then blowing it out through your mouth as though you are blowing out those three candles, one behind the other. One way to test whether you are breathing really deeply is to put your hands round your waist as you breathe in, with your thumbs round the back pointing towards your spine, with your fingertips touching in front. (Not many women are that skinny, but cheat!) Slide your fingers round until they’re touching tip to tip. Now take your deep breath. You’ll find that as your lungs fill with air right down to your waist they rise and expand, so your fingers are pulled apart, leaving a sizeable gap between them. Each breath should take around seven seconds. This, incidentally, is the sort of refreshing deep breath athletes take after very strenuous exercise. Watch them on television and you’ll see them puffing the air out of their open mouths — blowing out their three candles.

2 Deep breathing or breathing in second gear-This type is almost twice as quick as the first. And once again it’s easiest to do if you breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth. If you are breathing at the right rate you will be expanding just the top half of your lungs. You can feel this happening if you put your hands under your armpits with your fingertips pointing into your armpits and the backs of your fingers resting against your ribs. At each breath, about four seconds each, you will feel your ribs expanding sideways and pushing outwards against your fingers.

3 Shallow breathing or breathing in third gear-If you’ve ever watched a silent film, you’ll have seen breathing like this. The dastardly villain has upset our heroine. She’s terribly agitated, poor thing, black rimmed eyes rolling about all over the place and well-upholstered bosom heaving up and down. Of course it’s all absurdly exaggerated and overdone. When we breathe with our bosoms they are going to rise and fall gently and rhythmically. Put one hand lightly across your bosom and breath in and out through your mouth, gently but quite quickly. This sort of breathing should be twice as fast as breathing in second gear, about two seconds for each breath. You should feel a gentle rise and fall of the air in the top part of your lungs. But no huffing and puffing and no heaving—just take it nice and steady.

4 Very shallow breathing or breathing in fourth gear-You’ll only have to use this sort of breathing during a particularly bad pain and then only for the short time it takes to ride right over the top of it, which will be about ten seconds or so. Lie as still and relaxed as you can and let your breath flutter in and out of your open mouth. Each breath out only lasts long enough for you to say ‘Huff to yourself. If you rest your fingertips lightly in the hollow of your neck, just above your collar bone, you’ll feel the air just lifting your throat.

These are the four different kinds of breathing, each more shallow than the last. You’ll probably need only the first three, but it’s nice to have the fourth in reserve. It’s a good idea to practise the whole sequence once or twice a day for a week or so before you actually need to use it, so that the routine is familiar and comes easily to you. But don’t overdo it. This is an artificial way of breathing, so it’s a trick to be used sparingly and only when it’s really needed. Get a friend to help you and, if necessary, time you through one whole sequence. But if you’re the sort of person who normally works to music, be warned. Background music makes it difficult to find the right rhythm to which to breathe. When you’re ready to begin, start with two very deep breaths. They should take about seven seconds each. Now move into second gear and take four deep breaths. These usually take about four seconds each. Next breathe ‘over the top of the pain’ with seven or eight shallow breaths, which take about two seconds each. Now go back down through the gears again, with four deep breaths and two very deep ones. The whole sequence shouldn’t take more than a minute and a half which, believe it or not, is about the average length of one period pain.

When your next period begins, use all your new resources to make life as easy as you can. Lie in a comfortable relaxed position, use a hot water bottle or two, take aspirins if they work for you, and be ready to breathe through any particularly difficult pain. If you can do all this, you’ll allow the muscles in your womb to get on with the job of squeezing its now useless lining out of your body. Don’t resist it. Stay calm and relaxed, and get with it, as women do when they’re in labour. The quicker the job is done, the sooner your period will be under way, the less pain there will be and the sooner all pain will be over.

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