SUPER LOVE FOR SUPER SEX/LOVE-MAP LANDMARKS: DESCRIBE THE FIRST EXPLICIT SEX SCENE YOU EVER ACTUALLY WITNESSED IN PERSON

Love maps begin to develop very early and are written in some very dark ink. The husbands and wives often had to be prodded into remembering a sex scene they witnessed, but each of them could. It does not matter that it is really the first, or that it ever really happened at all. It is the memory, the image, that gets itself placed on the map.

I still get nervous talking about it, even thinking about it. I was sleeping in the loft with my cousin. We giggled away half the night together. Then, we got tired. It must have been 3 A.M. Her parents were sleeping in sleeping bags on the main floor just beneath the loft. They must have waited for hours for us to shut up and fall asleep. When we quieted and were just lying there exhausted from laughter, we could hear a sound like someone rubbing something back and forth. I heard it and looked at my cousin. We were twelve and we had talked about sex, but this was amazing. We seemed to know what the rubbing was. I still remember that sound, and I am aware of it when my husband and I make love. Rubbing, back and forth. We looked out over the railing and saw them. His sleeping bag was going up and down, up and down. He would make a little noise and she would tell him to “be quiet, they’ll hear.” She seemed so disinterested. She looked up at the railing and we pulled back. I will never know if she saw us. All I remember is that the rubbing stopped, I heard the toilet flush, and when we looked again, they were in their own sleeping bags.

WIFE

Further questioning revealed that the passivity of the wife, the mystery of why the toilet flushed after sex, and the rubbing had remained key parts of this woman’s love map. She continued to be easily aroused by rubbing sounds and was alert to any escape of

“sex sounds” during her own lovemaking. As you re-create your own first witnessed sex scene, check it for such “imprints,” as they may affect your sexual life.

The way in which love maps are formed, why we see and remember or do not see or forget various sexual happenings in our lives remains a mystery. The answers to this mystery probably rest somewhere between prenatal influences and neurohormonal predispositions and the influence of learning. Your own relationship will be enhanced, however, if you take the time to re-examine some of the influences that make you love whom you love and how you love.

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